Saturday, August 18, 2012

I Can Do This.

After a LONG time away I am finally feeling well enough to get back to the school room. It has been a really tough year for me emotionally and physically and I would like to share how I have been feeling. Tired and defeated mostly. Ever since finding out we were pregnant with baby #3 last summer it seemed as if everything in life was in a fast downward spiral. I knew I would have to be on bed rest because of my pregnancy so that I was prepared for. But then my husband lost his job. And we lost our house (not because of finances but we were renting and the owners sold). It was a good time I suppose to be able to lean on our families. We found out our 2 yr old has something called sensory perception disorder on top of her hearing and language difficulties. It was a long year.

Little E now 2!

Around the time baby #3 was born things were starting to look up. Baby E was born in April and we had just bought a new house. My husband had been back to work for a few months and finances were much better. But I was struggling with a major case of baby blues. It was difficult doing anything. Then we found out our baby was also going to be facing a life with disabilities being legally blind. She was diagnosed with CVI (Cortical Visual Impairment) and it sent a whole new whirl wind of worries and stresses my way.

Big E (5) and Baby E (3 months)

I started to wonder if I was even going to be able to handle homeschooling. My oldest is 5 this fall and I have had her curriculum ready for this next year for a while. But I began to worry that I would not be capable of teaching her while trying to sort out the day to day goings on of 2 other children with disabilities. Would she get left behind, forgotten? And how will I be able to homeschool the other two when the time came?

After a summer of feeling sorry for myself and my family I knelt down in earnest prayer and asked my Heavenly Father what he would have me do. Would he give me the strength and patience to complete this task I was undertaking?  I was met with a resounding YES! The truth is, no one is more equip to teach and nurture my children than I am. At least that is, as long as I am in the right state of mind. I am sure that there will be many trial ahead but I am also sure that there will be many triumphs as well. I love my children more than anything in the world and remembering that love has given me the strength and belief in myself I had seemed to have lost.

My Reasons for Living :)

I apologize to any readers who had been left in the dark by our absence. I am sure all of your lives went on as normal with out our Internet presence. But I just want other moms (and dads!) to know that everyone struggles with their choice for schooling. It is never easy whatever your circumstances are and I want people to know that they are not alone in their fight. This post was not meant for anyone to feel sorry for me, I did enough of that for myself. But I am here, ready to love and teach and I hope you will continue to join me on that journey.

With Much Love and Hope,
Mama Fuller

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